random rambling...the 10th wheel

if you're new around here, welcome! leave a comment and tell me who you are. i want to get to know you. as promised yesterday, i am back with a slightly delayed version of random rambling. speaking of yesterday, did you enter the giveaway yet? go now!

back to the topic...

have you ever felt like/been the 3rd, 5th or even 7th wheel? i was talking to my friend the other day about being the ...wheel, and i made a comment about being the 10th wheel. obviously that's not going to happen. it needs to be an odd number. that's the whole point. the ...wheel is the odd person, the single person.

i spend a pretty decent amount of time these days (and for the past decade for that matter) as the ...wheel (sometimes 3rd, sometimes 5th, 7th, 9th, or worse). a  lot of my friends are married. both of my sisters are married. my co-workers are married. people i go to church with are married. most of my blog friends are married. people i craft with are married. my running friends are married. you get the idea. basically everyone around me is married, and i am not.

i love all of my associations with these married people. i wouldn't trade my friendships with them for anything, but sometimes it gets old/exhausting being the ...wheel. 

i love the holidays a lot. christmas is my most favorite time of the year, but it can also be a really lonely time too. it's the perfect scenario for being the ...wheel-company parties (thankfully ours was during the day so no +1), family gatherings, gift exchanges, dinners, etc. it's a very magical time of the year, but it can also be really hard. i've been thinking about that a lot this year. i am most definitely not alone. i am surrounded by loving friends and family. i associate with people on a daily basis that love and care about me so why do i feel so alone? why do i dread going to this thing or that thing because once again i'll be the ...wheel?

i have 4 siblings and 2 brothers in law. we have always exchanged gifts with everyone. this year it was suggested that maybe we should draw names. financially it's a smart decision. we'll spend a little less than we typically do, but each person will get a much nicer gift. it sounds great right? for some reason, the whole idea of it caused me to have a major breakdown. i know it's so silly but i seriously cried about it...a lot. i was really quite surprised by my reaction. at first i had no idea where all that emotion came from, but i realized it somehow ties into all of this ...wheel topic. i don't know why. i definitely can't explain it. i'm generally really happy. i have a great life full of wonderful people and a whole lot of fun, but sometimes it's hard. sometimes it's lonely.

so why am i rambling on and on about this? bloggers sometimes get accused of only posting the presentable things of our lives. sometimes people say bloggers aren't real. this is as real as it gets. for all of the parties and dinners and crafts, etc. there are couples holiday parties missed because i don't want to be the ...wheel again, weekends spent painting my nails and grocery shopping. this isn't a pity party or an attempt for people to feel sorry for me. it's exactly what the title says...a very real and personal random rambling.

lest this post be a complete downer, go enter the giveaway. 3 final thoughts...

1. i love love love my married and couple friends and still want to spend lots of time with all of you.

2. even though it might be a little lonely, i am dying of excitement to spend the holidays in california with my sister and her family. kids make christmas, and i can't wait to spend christmas day with my niece and nephews.

3. to all of you and most especially the new peeps around here...i'm genuinely really happy, and things aren't usually this serious around here

tell me what you're doing for the holidays