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Thursday, August 4, 2016

blogging the bach...the end

confession(s)
1.i haven't watched men tell all. i heard it was basically the chad show. i'm not interested in that in the slightest. since abc pulled a fast one on us and aired 2 nights in a row, i was busy the night it aired. at this point, chances are pretty slim that i will actually watch.
2. i haven't watched the finale or after the final rose. i was flying home from seattle, and i haven't had a chance to catch up. to be honest, this season hasn't been exciting enough for me to even care to watch. i got all the info, and i'm basically ready to move on to paradise.

since i haven't seen it yet, i have a friend here to give a recap on the finale. she's been recapping for me most of the season, and her recaps make me laugh every single time.

Now, I haven't watched in weeks because the show wasn't worth staying up past my bedtime for especially once James Taylor got sent home (still love him sorry Aubs) **my edit-i still can't stand him.
But as a true bachelor fan, I sacrificed and watched the finale.
The episode starts with Jordan meeting JoJo's family. I am secretly on the edge of my seat hoping JoJo's brothers will be AHOLES again and that her mom will be drinking from the bottle but i was extremely disappointed. My first though is I bet JoJo's mom was really pretty at some point and has a banging body. Also why doesn't JoJo's sister get any love? Jordan makes everyone wear silly hats and then it's time for him to sit down and talk to JoJo's mom.
Now as cray as her mom looks, she is DEAD ON with Jordan. She is like I'm sick of jerks breaking my daughter's heart, so what are you going to do about it? She makes a lot of great points about how him and JoJo are both very likeable and have similar personalities. Mom is basically waving the red flag saying he's like all of your ex's combined into a mega heartbreak but she can't say that outrgith because then JoJo will for sure pick him to rebel.
Then the fake and stupid drama for the night is about how Jordan doesn't ask JoJo's dad for her hand in marriage.
Now it's time to meet good ole, salmon v-neck loving Robby. I think Robby is a babe and he is laying on the charm THICK for the potential in laws. He keeps saying he is googoo and gaagaa over JoJo and he will make her the #1 priority in his life and her mom calls her a princess and Robby is like she will be my queen. These guys are sweet and all but I've had more genuine love in my heart for a donut than either of these guys have for JoJo.
It's obvious that JoJo's family loves Robby and they are like see ya never Jordan. But JoJo clearly favors Jordan as she has all season. So as the family fawns over Robby, JoJo asks about Jordan. Her cute brother calls her out about always defending him and then her dad drombs the bomb that Jordan didn't ask for her hand in marriage but Robby asked for permission from her mom AND dad. JoJo has a melt down about loving both of the guys and not knowing what to do but really she is crying because she has wanted to pick Jordan all along and he majorly screwed the pooch with her family.
Now it's time for the final 1:1 dates. Robby is up first, for a beach date. They make out in the ocean, on land, and the Robby gives this weird where will we be in 5 years monologue which includes burning dinner which Becca pointed out on twitter is NOT ACCEPTABLE and i totally agree with her.
The best part is JoJo says "Ma! The meatloaf"
Then they go back to the hotel, they talk, it's all boring and the night ends.
Next up is the final date with Jordan. They are on a boat and she is like ahhh I wanna make out with you but i'm supposed to be mad at you for not asking for my fathers permission to marry me which Jordan surprisingly has a good answer for.
He says I know how I feel about you and yes I want to prompose, but I don't know what you are doing to do and I didn't want to ask your family for permission without being certain/knowing your feelings.
As a typical girl, she just still won't let it go and Jordan stands firm in his reasoning and I think he's totally legit and like the rest of this season they just keep beating the poor dead horse with this because everything is a snoozefest.
Here comes Neil Lane with the bling bling...Lauren B got the best ring in the history of the bachelor and these rings are a big thumbs down. Jordan even asks if there were any other options. HAHAHA.
Not surprisingly Jordan uses a producers phone to call JoJo's parents as he gets ready for the rose ceremony to ask for their blessing. They give it to him becayuse they know JOJo wants to pick him and they don't want to upset her but they really wish she was picking Robby (okay they don't say any of that but we all know that's what they are thinking.)
Robby gets out of the car first----it's not even a limo.
We all know this sin't good....he walks down to her and you can see on her face this isn't going to end well but Robby is blinded by his love for her and says a million sweet things to her and right as he is about to get into his lunge position she is like oh wait I can't take this moment away from you.
He is crushed and I'm sitting here yelling at the tv like WHYYYYY on earth did you let him say all that just to rip his heart out and stomp on it. No cool JoJo. you should know better after last season.
Robby keep it together and says nothing by nice things to her and wants her to be happy. Class act. And he is probably thinking his ex will be waiting for him at home but Chad has already swooped in.
JoJo is a hot, crying mess. Like STOP IT. You're annoying. I'm bored. We all know this won't last. Let's just skip to Bachelor in Paradise.
Jordan gets there. She suddenly has perfect makeup again and a huge smile and he proposes...shocker. They are overjoyed and so in love and can't wait to spend their lives together...YAWNNN.

thanks friend! i didn't really have it in my to watch all those hours. i'm happy this season is over.

who is ready for bachelor in paradise? let's pick up with that next week. 

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