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Tuesday, August 11, 2015

blogging the paradise 2.2

was anyone else surprised last week that after paradise is a thing? did you watch it? we did not and probably will not. 3 hours of the bach per week is plenty.

who's watching: the whole bodily clan (celsey and shawn, amanda and roommates alyssa and alexis, alicia and husband adam, and lacey)

post rose ceremony
what i saw
there was so much going on here that i really have no idea what was going on
what i heard
why is she talking?--lacey about tenley
she acts like a little 16 year old but she's 24--lacey
it's because no one wants her--cel
it's because every time she's on camera, she's throwing a fit--lacey
what i thought
how am i supposed to count the tear tally when lauren is crying the whole time?

joshua arrives/date/joe arrives
what i saw
doesn't the bach provide sunscreen? these people are fried-all of them
what i heard
i'm sad jillian and her black box went home--cel
i'm jealous of her beach waves--cel
if i'm going to get a tattoo, i'm definitely getting a front shin--cel
she's just like ashley but so much worse--alexis
she has to squeeze her eyes really hard to get those tears--alicia
not one of you meat heads could help carry her suitcase--amanda
she puts in her own extensions and they look terrible--alicia
can he not read?--lacey
that would be me actually- talking to an animal--alyssa
so no one came to save her so she's all good now--lacey
if i say it with a laugh, maybe people won't think i'm such an ___--amanda
wait because he's a big guy they have a future forever?--alyssa
he's got to stop using these analogies--alyssa
so josh is not as passive as we thought--alexis
you are on bachelor in paradise. i don't know why these people are so devastated they're not finding good people--alicia
what i thought
jj has the worst tattoos ever
jj thinks he is the most amazing thing ever
obviously i don't care for jj

at the house/joe and juelia's date
what i saw
juelia and jared having a heart to heart
carly and kirk might as well get married already
what i heard
is she wearing a retainer?--amanda
duh have you seen the show--cel
now she's doing yoga--cel
worked for disney, worked for hugh hefner-same thing--alicia
you know you've been married too long when you don't even know what's cool--cel
just cuz he sounds like a hick doesn't mean he knows how to ride a horse--cel
he had no preference. you volunteered--amanda
this seems like such an awkward date--lacey
she rides a horse like juan pablo--amanda
why does he keep rolling his eyes back in his head?--alicia
dan, you're being a weasel--amanda
mikey's the type of guy that will text a girl every day- hi--alyssa
why didn't she go home when her sister went home--alicia
what i thought
juelia is really trying hard to make this date work

night at the house
what i saw
a lot of people embarrassing themselves
what i heard
her hair is naturally going into dreads--alexis
i hate boys--alyssa
they do so good at making you cringe for them--lacey
jade seems as boring as my little pinky toe--alexis
she looks like she's having an allergic reaction--alicia
it's almost like her cheeks swell like she's allergic to her own tears--alicia
jealous on mikey looks terrible--cel
i wonder if he's watching this finally realizing--amanda
he's so territorial. he's like a dog--alyssa
they're #matchymatchy --cel
you're wearing matching v necks. help a brother out--cel
what i thought
i feel so sad and embarrassed for juelia
poor mikey doesn't get it either

clare and jared date/back at the house/michael arrives/michael and tenley date
what i saw
uncomfortable, awkward jump
ashley i crying.again and having no idea how to deal with her makeup
what i heard
these guys are dumb as rocks--alexis
ashley's been really normal--alexis
she had the bird flu for a minute but now she's fine--cel
how did tenley go from no guys to so many guys?--lacey
i don't know how all those women at the playboy mansion didn't teach jade a thing--cel
he's like jamie otis--cel
then she'll go home and makeout with another guy because they need their rose too--alicia
i don't know how to dance to this--cel you just bump and grind--alexis
what i thought
i really thought clare and jared might work but things went south fast
tenley and michael's date was the fanciest we've seen so far in paradise

rose ceremony
what i saw
some interesting fashion choices
humidity is getting the best of some of these people
one of the worst kisses in the history of the bach between joe and juelia
what i heard
that's because you're drunk--cel
carly and kirk have the right idea-stay out of everyone's way and lay low--lacey
i think joe got a little bitter after kaitlyn--alyssa
she's trying to pretend like she's the bachelorette--alexis
and he just solidified himself a rose--lacey
all the guys are like i would rather just go home--cel
none of them are (here for love). they're all there to get famous--shawn
if chris is giving you tough love, it's serious--cel
what i thought
joe is super scary
clare is in the same position as last year-no one to love and ready to leave. maybe she should try another method for finding love.
to be continued is the worst. why do they do this to us?

tear tally..21 (counting was a little tricky since some of these people cried for a substantial amount of time)

i had a bit of a struggle with the format this week. i probably need a new structure for next week. did you watch this week? what did you think?

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